5 years,
I still cry,
5 years,
I still hurt,
5 years,
I still hope,
5 years,
I still wait,
5 years,
I still dream.

I still wait for you,
to walk through the door,
I still hope for this,
to all be a bad dream,
I still cry for you,
and life you lost,
I still want to believe,
that the body we put in the ground,
belongs to someone else.

5 years,
the noose still sways,
5 years,
the blood still drips,
5 years,
the screams still heard,
5 years,
the pain is still real,
5 years,
I still question.

The noose still sway,
Right were you left it,
The blood still drips,
As the rain and tears keep it wet,
The screams still heard,
In memories not to be buried,
The pain is still all to real,
For the price of your peace,
And I still question,
Why oh why oh why,
did you have to end your life?

5 years,
and I'm still not over you,
5 years,
and I still need to know why,
5 years,
and I still think it pointless,
5 years,
and councilors don't help,
5 years,
what's the use?

No I'm not yet over,
The loss and pain of your death,
Yes I still beg to know,
Why had you felt that the only way?
Hell yeah I believe,
I believe it was the dumbest thing ever,
I'm still not over it...

I need help?
See a councilor?
HA!
They don't help me at all,
Been there,
done that,
come again!

I still don't see it,
I still ask why,
I still want to ask,
I still cry out to you,
I still cry to myself,
I still feel the pain,
I still know the loss,
I still want to die,
I still don't see the use,
In living with nothing to live for.

I wrote this poem for someone very dear to me. She had to read a poem from her favorite poet out loud in her class today(4-4-08). She asked me last night if I could send her one of my best poems and I told her I would write a new one for her. Then today after it was all over she had told me why she had asked. I felt so honored that she choose me and it really meant a lot. So I thought I would share the poem with all of you! She picked out the title for it.
This was just a topic that we could both relate to and that reached both of our hearts!! It is NOT me saying any of this too her or saying I love her as a girlfriend! She is the sister that fate forgot to give me! I Love You Jess!!!


"I'll look to like,
If looking liking move."
That's what Juliet once said,
She has her Romeo,
And I ask you,
Where is mine?

It seems to me that
Every "man" I find,
Turns out to be,
Just another little boy
In a very bad disguise.

When will they learn,
That I need a man,
Who'll stand beside me,
Not a boy,
Who'll run and hide.

My Romeo will be that man,
He'll never let me down,
Never once let me fall,
He'll hold me tight,
All through the night,
Expecting nothing in return.

My Romeo will know,
That I love you,
Means just that,
And nothing more.

My Romeo is out there,
This I know for sure,
I can spend all day looking,
Trying to find someone to love,
But until my Romeo comes along,
In the words of the proud Juliet,
"I'll look to like,
If looking liking move."

I love you so,
You are my breath,
You are my soul,
My life, I live just for you,
Can't you see,
You are my everything?

When you didn't show,
I was sad yes,
But I wasn't mad,
I wasn't ever hurt,
When you broke promises,
I didn't cry,
I wasn't hurt,
I wasn't upset.

When you played games,
You said you liked me,
You asked me out,
Then you ignored me for days.

Well honey this is just for you,
I need to tell you the honest truth,
That night you asked,
I couldn't answer,
I told you I couldn't breathe,
I told you I would pass out,
You thought I was happy,
But I was just laughing too hard.

You tried to break me down,
You played your games,
You had your fun,
You thought you could break me,
You thought you could hurt me,
But I moved on and I am strong,
I don't need you as I thought I did.

You're still my breath,
You're still my love,
You're still my soul,
Still I live just for you.

But now things changed,
And I have seen the world,
Through the blood tinted,
Glasses of pain,
I don't need to breath,
I torn my heart,
Boxed it up,
Puked it out,
I've already died,
Completely inside,
I have no soul,
I lack control.

I made you jealous,
You admitted,
You did have feelings,
Don't you see honey,
I'm just a teenage girl,
Who once loved,
Who once lived,
Who once had control,
Who once had a heart,
Who once could smile,
Once could laugh,
Now I see that it was fake,
And just how fun life can be,
Once you play around,
With jealousy.

I'm over you,
I want you to know,
I'm not hurt,
Not terrible so.

You're not the man,
I once thought you were,
You lack the strength
To tell me the truth.

It was crush,
Not real love,
If I can give up,
As easy as this.

It will take time,
I know I'll cry,
But sooner or later,
I'll be fine.

My heart will heal,
I'll hide the real me,
As I always have,
You'd like her you know.

I know I'll cry,
Bitter tears for you,
But trust me,
I'll be fine.

I know I can try,
I know I'll still cry,
But one day I promise,
You'll see I'll be fine.

I'll take back my heart,
I'll let myself heal,
I don't need you,
Like I thought I did.

I don't know why,
It takes this much strength,
To let you know,
That I'm letting go.

I know I'm sane,
I hear the rain,
That is my tears,
I cry over letting go.

Why is letting go,
As hard as this,
Shouldn't it be easy,
Letting go of what never was?

Maybe I'm cliche,
Thinking you were my breath,
Flying when you're around,
Living in your precesance.

Maybe I'm stupid,
Giving up on love,
But if this isn't love,
It doesn't exist to me.