I'm screwed
Posted: Jun. 29, 2008 - 1 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]
Category: Diary
I feel like my soul has been ripped out.
I'm a fucking hollow shell.
I feel so fucked when I think of how stupid I am.
I barely feel anything but pain.
I have nothing left.
I can't go a day without thinking of suicide.
I don't know why, I hate suicide.
I just can't think.
I had her.
She fucking kept me going.
She kept me thinking I'd go another day.
She kept me fucking alive.
Now, she doesn't give a shit.
I love her. I love her so damn much it hurts.
I'm trying to move on, I can't do it.
I need to get away.
I need to run.
Fuck it all.
I'm screwed anyway.
Every time I think about her, I feel happy.
Then I start to cry
Because I know she doesn't care
I know she hates me.
Hates who I am.
Hates what I believe.
Hates every fiber of my being.
When I see she's online,
I get off the computer.
I can't talk to her anymore.
I want her to be happy, and I'm not the one to do that.
I just...I can't let go of her.
I'm so fucked.
~~Lynn~~
Insecure
Posted: May. 31, 2008 - 3 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]
Category: Diary

I need your guys' opinion.
It's a really vain subject
But...am I fat?
I just got called fat again.
I try to make a joke out of my weight
And be like,  "I have blubber and you're just jealous"
But it really gets to me, you know?
Being like 60 pounds heavier than most of my friends
I don't even feel right eating around them.
I need your honest opinion
Am I fat?
Just when I thought things were happy...
Posted: May. 6, 2008 - 3 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]
Category: Diary

...she changes her mind.
Ella said 'Something came up'
It makes me think...
Was that just a lie to let me down easy?
I ask her out, and she says yes.
Next week, she doesn't come to school all week
And doesn't answer my emails.
That really...I mean, really...
It just makes me feel bad.
I can't explain it, I've never felt like this before.
Now she's just...not going out with me?

Honestly what's the use of chasing after someone,
When you know that they don't want you?
I guess I should give up on her...
I mean, she doesn't talk to me in front of her friends,
And she...I dunno...does she like me?
What if something actually did come up?
Am I just getting worked up over nothing?
She singles me out for random hugs during the day...
We hold hands...
I give her piggyback rides...
We already act like a couple...
Maybe she's not lying...
But what if she is?